Doubt

"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother" -Khalil Gibran


Lost.

I hate that feeling.

I remember coming home after a long day at my corporate job and rushing on to my computer to get inspiration for website updates and my Youtube channel. As much as I wanted to just shut down, my mind would not allow me as I scrolled through the Barney's website. As I am sitting there looking at the glossy stilettos on my computer screen and simultaneously swatching eyeshadow colors, I came to the realization that I wanted my refuge to be my life... but how. I created a website on my own, have a Youtube channel and blast on every social network known to man, but I always felt as if I was doing something wrong.

It is so easy to feel like you are not doing something right, especially when you compare yourself to other people as a gauge of success... I was doing this quite often. Last week my news notification stated that Chiara Ferragni is on track to earn 8 million a year from her blog The Blonde Salad , which I am a huge fan of.  The death angel called doubt along with its evil minion insecurity was lurking at my shoulder. I remember just going to a mirror staring at myself and thinking "Will that ever be me? Am I wasting my time?" A flood of insecurities submerged my brain:

Am I attractive enough?
Am I appealing to international followers?
Should I change my website content?
Should I delete my Youtube?
What is wrong with me?

I felt like my fifteen year old self in a twenty-five year old's body. I kept putting so much pressure on myself, which has been an issue since I was a child. Not because of my parents, but because when I start something I want it to work. I want JasMoseley to be the best it can be.

One night after talking to my parents about my frustrations, the main cause of my stress was me. I forgot about the main reason why I built JasMoseley in the first place, and that was to create a refuge. I caused so much unnecessary stress on myself looking at the accomplishments of others and comparing them to my start up website and channel. There will only be one Chiara Ferragni, just like there will only be one Jasmine Moseley. Everyone has their own journey in life, you can not try to replicate another person's path and think it will lead you to victory. There is no GPS for success.  Besides, the fun part is the journey and the goal is to continue the journey for as long as possible. Once you say there is an end point, then it's over.